Who believes in happily ever after?? I personally I am sick and tired of hearing about skyrocketing divorce rates nagging wives and uninvolved husbands. I’m tired of seeing couples spend countless hours of time, energy and money on the “perfect” wedding and then investing little, if any, of those same factors into the marriage itself.
Can you truly promise to love someone forever? Although I want to believe that, I’m not 100% convinced that it’s true, what I do believe is true though is that we can promise to nuture that love forever and a love that is nurtured forever is a lot more likely to last forever don’t you think?
But hey, marriage isn’t supposed to take any work and love should be effortless. No, no, no!
Like everything of importance and value, marriage flourishes with an ongoing commitment and a certain amount of effort. Well, who has time in this era of “busy is better” and “me, me, me” to give up our precious time, money and energy into preserving and improving our marriage? I ask you this, do you have time not too? How much time, energy and money are used up in divorce court? Today, I would like to discuss, in the most basic of terms, some ideas that will help you to give your marriage a boost, move it from good to great and hopefully to see it as the blessing it was meant to be. As far as I’m concerned, we all have room for improvement, right?
A- Attention. To varying degrees we all need and want attention. Ask just about anyone who has had an affair why they did it and I’ll bet you one of the top 5 responses will be, “I was getting attention that I was not getting at home.” So how do you know how much attention is the right amount. Ask, ask, ask! “Are you getting the attention you need from me? How could I improve this, specifically?”
After they close their dropped jaw- you may just get an answer that will allow a simple tweak in your routine to improve the situation.
Remember paying attention could mean listening without distraction, complimenting more, getting involved in what’s important to them, being more observant or a million other things. Find out what it is that is missing and take purposeful action to make it happen.
B- Beauty. There was most likely an initial attraction that drew you to one another, but isn’t it easy in the day to day of life to “forget.” Let your spouse know every day, despite or because we are aging together that you appreciate beauty in the form of the one you love. Whether it’s the way her hair looks or the way he looks in that colour. Let it be your responsibility, daily, to appreciate the beauty the he/she brings in to your life. Just one little thing!
C- Communication. If there is one most common question I get in coaching in regards to relationships it has got to be, “Shouldn’t he/she know?” No, no, no! I don’t care if you’ve been together 2 months or 20 years, don’t assume anything. Rather than being upset because they didn’t “figure it out” help them, spell it out, tell them what you want, ask for what you need … communicate. Chances are good you’ll get what you need, and they will be happy to be clear on the issue.
Start with these ideas for now, more to follow!
Note: when I say marriage, please read whatever word fits your life best into the sentence, be it relationship, partnership etc. When I say spouse, you can read lover, significant other, partner, etc. Please take the concepts and make them your own for your individual circumstances. I get that sometimes divorce is necessary; this article is for the intention of making relationships stronger, not for making people who are divorced feel bad.
Best of the best to you, Steph
Stephanie Staples is the author of When Enlightening Strikes – Creating a Mindset for Uncommon Success. She helps audiences & clients across North America bring their A game to work and to life. Stephanie has a special interest in working with and empowering nurses and healthcare providers. She happily calls Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada home. You can get loads of complimentary resources to help with issues such as work/life balance, wellness, stress management and happiness in general as well as find out more information about her services at http://www.YourLifeUnlimited.ca